The learning process for me through out the years has been very difficult even with out an official diagnosis, but learning for me is a challenge as I learn visually and constantly work to keep up with personal things and stuff for work.
Art is fun for me and I do what I want and rarely do commissions these days which doesn't help money wise, but sure does help me to not be stressed. I use my art to meet others like me and use it to teach others. I love art supplies, the smell of paints and the feel of paper. I buy stuff even when I don't need it and have so many sketch books because I have plans lol. When I draw and paint I like my music loud and I'm usually alone when I create because I get distracted easily.
I have found as I get older art is becoming my brain and everything else that is not relevant and no longer easily retrievable. I forget names and how to do a task that I used to do. Pretty much if its something I don't do daily I will forget. Its like my mind is purging everything that stresses me from all of my career as a Law Enforcement officer and a Fire Fighter.
I believe I have always had art as a go to place when things get bad on the inside and outside. I most likely have what they call " Cumulative Post Traumatic Stress Disorder". This disorder is now seen in law enforcement officers and those in fire and rescue. Different from what our military folks suffer from but somewhat similar.
Police officers face cumulative PTSD - PoliceOne
Just over a year ago I demoted myself to ease some of my stress and to keep myself from getting into trouble or even fired, but it really took a toll on me. The feelings of failure and thinking of what others thought of me, to some co workers not even talking to me. Thinking others were out to get me to getting angry about the littlest of things. I even to this day cringe at the ring tone I used to have on my work phone to the pain in my chest from the anxiety to just to walk into work.
After some time I finally got grip with this and I really dont worry about what others think or what they say, because it's not worth the worry or my time. I am 17 years and a month in at my current job waiting for my 20 year mark so I can retire early and get away from it all. I hope to do so with enough to pay for my insurance and to live stress free.
So its said and I put this out there because it may help another person like me. My advise to those who have these kinds of jobs, take your time off seriously and protect it, love on your family, get a hobby. The escape of a hobby like my art is very addictive in a good way and very relaxing.
Life is valuable and time is so limited so you have to get after what you want as you only have one chance at this. Fear is the enemy that keeps you down and failure is only the beginning...